BOX ELDER, S.D. — The Ellsworth Air Force Base barber shop sees its fair share of regulars, but none may be as young or excited to be there as one chief master sergeant's son, sources confirmed this morning.

“Most of my fellow Chiefs brag about how they overrule their wives and drag their sons to the base barber for routine regulation haircuts,” Chief Master Sgt. Dave Dawson told reporters. ”But little Dudley here, he hops right in the chair and says ‘give me the usual Moe’ like he’s already in the Air Force. I am truly blessed.”

Indeed, sources confirmed that 8-year-old Dudley Dawson is absolutely dying to be dragged to the barber by his father so he can sit down and get a $9 high-and-tight haircut, which junior airmen around the base will no doubt believe to be the result of blatant child abuse.