OUTER BANKS, NC — Kitesurfing may seem like a perfectly harmless activity if you’re a pretentious douche bag who wants to piss off other mariners, but if that's how you're planning to spend your weekend, make sure you keep an eye out for the U.S. Coast Guard, because they will arrest your stupid dumb face.

Coast Guard officials say it's their duty to enforce the law of being an annoying piece of shit in American waters, and since kitesurfing like a prick is under federal laws, they will arrest your self-righteous ass even if you’re in states like North Carolina where it's legal.

The Coast Guard's policy doesn't just include dipshit kitesurfers out in the waters, but also wind surfers, kayak surfers, and those idiotic stand-up paddlers who wander around aimlessly like lost cattle.