A COAST GUARD STATION NEAR YOU THAT YOU DIDN’T KNOW EVEN EXISTED — The Coast Guard has suspended Hurricane Florence relief operations in order to address a service-wide racism problem that nobody even knew about until one of its own played the “circle game” on national television yesterday, sources confirmed today.

During a briefing about the response to Hurricane Florence, an unnamed Coast Guardsman, seen in the background, appeared to scratch his forehead and then make a circle with his thumb and forefinger as another service member briefed reporters.

The gesture was immediately noticed by the nation’s best thinkers, who are all on Twitter, Vice and Facebook. After scores, or maybe five, intellectuals reported the offensive act, the Coast Guard sailed into — or actually, out of — action.

“We are aware of the offensive video on twitter - the Coast Guard has identified the member and removed him from the response," the service tweeted. "His actions do not reflect those of the United States Coast Guard.”