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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Thursday, 1 October 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Thursday

1 October 2026

1532 Zulu

Next edition Friday

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· Page 2

Communist West Pointer receives lateral commission into Russian ground forces

Filed · 1532

MOSCOW — Kremlin officials say that former U.S. Army 2nd Lt. Spenser Rapone has been approved for a lateral commission into the Russian Ground Forces, sources confirmed today.

"We're aware that most lieutenants around the world have difficulty finding their way," said Gen. Igor Bruschnev. "But we're glad Rapone has found his way over to the right army."

The West Pointer made headlines last year after images surfaced revealing hidden messages and apparel that displayed his support for communism. But not long after Rapone's other-than-honorable discharge, rumors began to swirl that he had submitted a transfer packet through U.S. Army Human Resources Command requesting to join the 'Soviet' military, despite the fall of the Soviet Union in 1991.

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