THE PENTAGON — Standing on an un-eroded mountain of moral high ground, U.S. military leadership this week found no wrongdoing in the deaths of untold numbers of Syrian women, children, and wounded combatants, at the hands of American forces in 2019, while simultaneously expressing dismay at the lack of accountability for Russian atrocities in Ukraine.

“Sure, the initial investigation was total trash, and props to the New York Times for flagging that,” said Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin III. “But look, we think that most of the folks killed in the drone strike in question were probably ISIS fighters, okay?  So let’s just drop it.”

Austin added, “can you believe the depravity and impunity with which the Russians are behaving in Ukraine?”

The Pentagon’s secret report comes at a time when the United States looks to unite the world in holding Russia accountable for the widespread, documented horrors it is unleashing in Ukraine.  It “in no way undermines our position,” according to defense experts.