FORT HOOD, Tex. — Soldiers in the 797th EOD Company spent lunchtime trying to identify the strong odors emanating from the dayroom. Speculation about the source ranged from "butthole supernova" to "Sgt. Razak Bersekutu microwaving" his "ethnic food," sources say.
“It smelled like the taint of a One Percenter after he spent all day in a trailer making meth and slapping an Asian hooker around,” said Staff Sgt. Michael Schmidt, a Team Leader from Opelika, Alabama. “At first I thought, alright, Pfc. Ringgold probably crapped in his pants after eating an entire economy-sized bag of Flamin’ Hot Cheetos like he does about once a week. But then I remembered, Bersekutu likes to microwave his lunch in there. His terrible food smells terrible.”
Further investigation did not yield satisfactory results. The microwave, coated inside with a wondrous variety of backsplash, was currently unoccupied and Sergeant Bersekutu was not in the immediate vicinity. He was discovered forty minutes later watching futanari porn with a few of his soldiers in their platoon office.
