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This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Situation Report
WILMINGTON, NC — A local man and former Marine was accused of indiscriminately killing multiple beers and shooting tequila last night at a local bar, witnesses say.
The suspect, 25-year-old Antoine Jones of Wrightsboro, served in the Marine Corps from 2006 to 2010 before being honorably discharged at the rank of Lance Corporal, third award. He was recently laid off from his job as a nighttime security guard at a local shopping mall.
Sources suggest he had unsuccessfully sought psychiatric help for "my shitty fucking life" shortly before entering the bar.
Patrons of the bar first noticed something was off by the look of inconsolable misery on the suspect's face, as well as what a witness called a distinct "the-world-can-go-fuck-itself attitude."
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