WASHINGTON — The Pentagon has begun preparing versions of current Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin's daily information briefs for incoming Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth to answer critical questions, such as ‘Who the fuck is Pete Hegseth?’, sources confirmed today.

"The purpose of these briefs is to facilitate a smooth transition of power by ensuring incoming defense officials begin on day one fully informed about the answers to current requests for information from outgoing defense officials," said Lt. Col. Cody Branch, the action officer responsible for compiling a brief in response to a memo from Secretary Austin with the subject line, "Who the fuck is Pete Hegseth?"

"Though these briefs may seem very routine, they can be very complex in practice," Branch said. "Information can be classified and require redaction, for example, if it might reveal the sources and methods used to obtain it. In other cases, it's just very obscure and not easily obtained without the resources of the Department of Defense and the wider intelligence community."

According to Branch, extensive labor-intensive research was conducted to get more than cursory details of the military and organizational leadership experience of this little-known Army National Guard officer, Pete Hegseth. After a relatively unremarkable company-grade career in Iraq and Afghanistan, Hegseth seems to have transitioned to a career as a character actor at sports and entertainment broadcaster Fox Corporation.