So, you’re tired of this modern hellscape bullshit.

Maybe your chain of command is a toxic dumpster fire, or perhaps you’ve realized that no amount of online “tactical” gear purchases will make your desk job any cooler.

Either way, you’re looking for a fresh start in a foreign land — whether it’s fighting for freedom, adventure, or just because you owe child support in three states.

Here’s your comprehensive guide to joining a foreign military.

The French Foreign Legion – La Légion Étrangère

Ideal For:

• Masochists who think the Marine Corps isn’t hardcore enough.
• People with a criminal record that doesn’t involve war crimes (sadly, they check).
• Those who love getting screamed at in a language they don’t understand.

The Good:

✔️ Automatic French citizenship after serving.
✔️ Nobody cares about your past. You could be an ex-con, ex-Marine, or even an Air Force guy.
✔️ You get to wear a cool white hat and pretend you’re in an old-school war movie.

The Bad:

❌ You WILL embrace the suck.
❌ No social media, no personal identity—you’re a number, not a name.
❌ You’re basically signing up to fight in whatever third-world hellhole France decides to care about that year.

Final Verdict: If you want adventure, anonymity, and a guaranteed future in chain-smoking and existential regret, this is for you. If you want to get your dick wet with the blood of your enemies, this is your option.

Ukraine’s Foreign Legion – The International Legion of Territorial Defense of Ukraine

Ideal For:

• Guys who watched Red Dawn one too many times and thought, Yeah, I could totally fight Russians.
• Those who think Call of Duty should have a “real-life” DLC.
• Wannabe Hemingway types who want war stories for their future barstool monologues.

The Good:

✔️ You’ll become a legend at your local VFW.
✔️ You will literally fight actual bad guys. No more “fighting for oil” guilt.
✔️ No contract — leave whenever you want (assuming you survive).

The Bad:

❌ No respawns, no lag; real bullets hurt.
❌ If captured, good luck with that.
❌ Your “battle buddy” might be some random dude from Ohio with zero military experience.

Final Verdict: This is an option if you want to fight Russians and have a moral cause. If you just want an excuse to LARP as a war hero, maybe don’t.

The Australian Army – Kangaroo Infantry Division (Not Really, But Close Enough)

Ideal For:

• People who love beer, spiders the size of their face, and being called a “legend” unironically.
• Americans who want to keep the vibes of military life without learning another language.
• Anyone who thinks the U.S. military is too serious and needs more BBQs.

The Good:

✔️ You get to live in Australia, which is basically America but with cooler accents and better vibes.
✔️ Military life is way more chill than in the U.S.
✔️ Dual citizenship is possible, and they currently aim to recruit 400 Americans a year into their Army. Yeah. For real.

The Bad:

❌ You must call officers “Sir” with an Australian accent, which feels unnatural.
❌ Everyone will be better at drinking than you.
❌ If you hate rugby, cricket, or the word “cunt,” you might be deported.

Final Verdict: This is the move if you want a chillier military experience while still pretending to be tough.

Duffel Blog is an independent publisher that only exists with the backing of readers. If you value our writing, please consider supporting our team of military veterans as a free or paid subscriber. Thank you! 👇

The Canadian Armed Forces – The Nicest Military on Earth