EGLIN AFB, Fla. – President Trump’s executive order to roll back federal Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) initiatives has sent shockwaves through the ranks, leaving one Explosive Ordnance Disposal (EOD) officer scrambling to fuse together a bombproof curriculum.

Lt. Cmdr. Jans Sven Swederssen swiftly complied with the commander-in-chief’s directive by systematically purging all materials, references, anecdotes, footnotes, note-notes, and apocryphal texts with the faintest mention of Improvised Explosive Devices (IED) from the halls of Naval School EOD.

DEI, championed by the preceding administration, is a framework that seeks to foster positive workplace environments by intentionally uplifting historically marginalized individuals. IEDs are homebrewed bombs deployed by guerrilla forces designed to maim and kill an otherwise technologically superior adversary.

“Oops, I got my wires crossed again. I’m such a Cornicarp,” shrugged Swederssen, presumedly invoking astrological absolution for his blunder.