Election Day early-voting polls show 'Asteroid' leading with military voters

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PENTAGON — Early-voting and exit polls of military service members on Tuesday show that Asteroid is leading in key battleground states.

As millions of Americans head to the polls to cast their ballot for Republican Donald Trump, Democrat Hillary Clinton, or third-party candidate Kill Me Now, many troops are overwhelmingly supporting Asteroid as a write-in candidate who will best serve their interests.

"I absolutely support Asteroid crashing into Earth over these two dipshits," said Spc. Franklin Eagerton, an Army infantryman stationed in Fayetteville, N.C. Though he told reporters he was "100% behind" Asteroid, it wasn't clear whether he was just using a metaphor of "crashing into Earth," since there is often double-meaning in political phrases.

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