This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Esper fired for not being coup enough, sources say
“The president could just respect the decision of the Electoral College, but he thinks he’s too coup for schoo.”
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump fired Mark Esper after deciding his defense secretary was simply not coup enough for the current administration, according to defense and administration officials.
Christopher Miller, Esper’s acting replacement, believes Esper was good at the job but kind of a dork.
“Mark was all right, but he doesn’t drink or smoke and refuses to deploy U.S. troops against our own citizens,” Miller said during a press conference at the Hilton Tree Removal Service on Wednesday. “That’s totally not coup if you ask me.”
More Stories
Pentagon unveils ‘Send Someone Else’ campaign for Iran war supporters
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Trump strikes deal to buy precision missiles from North Korea
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Air Force IG uncovers SNACKOs taking kickbacks from Big Insulin
R.J. Williams
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Pentagon facing dangerous shortage of fucks given
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Opinion: Listen up, assholes. Turn in your excess cruise missiles or everybody stays in formation
Bull Winkle
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Army Reserve adopts 'Nothing we do today is more important than lunch' as new recruiting slogan
SECDEF_Nice
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