FORT WORTH, Texas — The F-35 has a problem many men can understand: ejectile dysfunction.

The $400 billion stealth fighter jet—designed to dominate the skies, protect our country from harm, and blow a lifetime’s worth of tax dollars—has recently been diagnosed with an unfortunate case of ED.

Recent events have served to highlight the severity of the F-35's problem. Defense officials say an F-35 in Texas had a test flight failure, which embarrassed both the F-35 and its pilot, who was discharged from the aircraft prior to the F-35 culminating the training exercise.

Worse yet, the entire event was filmed and posted online. At first, officials tried to brush it off as an invasion of the F-35’s privacy. But the cat is now out of the bag, and everyone knows the F-35’s secret. Word is that the F-35’s ejection seat was equally embarrassed at its premature rise to the occasion.