Skip to content
DUFFEL BLOG

Free military brief. No CAC required.

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast
Subscribe form

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing
4,200+dispatches filed
20,000+readers briefed

Grooming standards relaxed to give balding military members ‘one last go at it’

PENTAGON — Defense Department Officials announced in a press conference on Wednesday, that starting next month, grooming standards will be relaxed to give balding military members “one last go at it.”

“It's similar to other initiatives to help transitioning service members,” said Peter Cook, Defense Department Spokesman. “They shouldn't have to wait until they get out to find out if they can grow gorgeous locks. By then it's too late.”

The decision came about after a recent internal review. Observers called the review "surprising," because it actually confirmed the existence of benefits to the standards. Nonetheless, the review was reportedly thrown in the trash almost immediately by Air Force Chief of Staff Mark Welsh, whom People magazine last year described as "thinning on top."

More Stories

Your Cart

Your cart is empty

Browse the shop to find something you like.

Continue Shopping →
Subtotal

Add more for free shipping.

✓ You qualify for free shipping!