Has your child joined the Army? You may be entitled to compensation

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing

4,200+dispatches filed

20,000+readers briefed

Our legal team visits every recruiting event to make sure we get a piece of the pie if your child has been abused by military recruiting practices. (Source: DVIDS 265450 and that strip mall lawyer you’ve seen on local TV)

STRIP MALL LAW OFFICE NEXT TO THE RECRUITING STATION, Your Hometown — If your child joined the Army, you may be entitled to significant compensation. Millions of Americans have been exposed to children joining the Army, which is known to cause family stress, hatred of walking on grass, and overdosing on Motrin. If you are concerned about exposure, call us at 1-800-BAD-ARMY.

How did your child think about joining the Army? Sources include recruiters, drunkles, and the family memory of that distant relative who went to West Point and no one really remembers, but he certainly did well for himself until he got slaughtered like a pig in Haiti in 1891.

Symptoms of joining the Army include:

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

More from Army

Congress proposes veterans fight to the death for expanded benefits

Staff command works hard to accomplish nothing

Army Reserve adopts 'Nothing we do today is more important than lunch' as new recruiting slogan

Hegseth mistakes getting older for declining military standards

Americans begin thanking troops for future service

'You can’t fire me, I quit!' Gen. Donahue says as he rolls a joint

Opinion

Start Here