Our legal team visits every recruiting event to make sure we get a piece of the pie if your child has been abused by military recruiting practices. (Source: DVIDS 265450 and that strip mall lawyer you’ve seen on local TV)

STRIP MALL LAW OFFICE NEXT TO THE RECRUITING STATION, Your Hometown — If your child joined the Army, you may be entitled to significant compensation. Millions of Americans have been exposed to children joining the Army, which is known to cause family stress, hatred of walking on grass, and overdosing on Motrin. If you are concerned about exposure, call us at 1-800-BAD-ARMY.

How did your child think about joining the Army? Sources include recruiters, drunkles, and the family memory of that distant relative who went to West Point and no one really remembers, but he certainly did well for himself until he got slaughtered like a pig in Haiti in 1891.

Symptoms of joining the Army include: