BETHESDA, Md. — A sailor assigned to Walter Reed National Military Medical Center who recently purchased a Chewbacca suit costing two thousand dollars says he is "sick and tired of living paycheck to paycheck," sources confirmed today.
Although Seaman Peter Barker shared his excitement with friends at buying the "movie quality" version of the suit, instead of the "gay-ass ultimate quality model which is for poser fans who are only willing to pay like twelve hundo," he also loudly proclaimed his anger at his current financial situation.
"The fucking Navy doesn't pay us enough," said Barker, immediately after morning quarters to anyone listening or within approximately 100 feet. "I'm practically an E-4 and I can't even barely afford top-notch fandom gear. WHATEVER!"
Adding insult to injury, right after complaining about the Navy's pay scales, Barker learned he'd be unable to drive his fiancé Candi to the premiere of Solo: A Star Wars Movie — the impetus for his most recent purchase — since the 12-inch suspension lift being installed on his F-150 Raptor won't be done in time.
