[INSERT MILITARY UNIT] struggling with [INSERT OUTDATED OR PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR]

Great job, everyone!

WASHINGTON D.C. – Amid a slew of public relations nightmares for the armed forces, [INSERT MILITARY UNIT] is reportedly grappling with [INSERT OUTDATED OR PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR].

Despite initial reports pinning the [INSERT OUTDATED OR PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR] on [INSERT MILITARY UNIT], there are whispers that this issue might be more widespread than the [MILITARY UNIT’S HIGHER COMMAND] would like to admit.

A confidential source from inside [INSERT MILITARY UNIT] revealed, “Yeah, sure, there’s a ton of [INSERT OUTDATED OR PROBLEMATIC BEHAVIOR], but have you checked out [OTHER MILITARY UNIT]? I just PCS’d from there and it’s not any better.”