HOUSTON, Texas — Kellogg, Brown and Root (KBR) announced Friday it had won a no-bid contract through the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) to maintain the American HMMWV fleet seized this week when ISIS foot soldiers stormed Mosul.

“We’re proud to announce that we’ll continue to keep America’s fleet running,” said KBR spokesperson Heather L. Browne speaking from the lavishly decorated press room. “Technically these vehicles still belong to the Iraqi Army, but regardless of who is driving them we want them to have the best equipment on the battlefield. We owe a huge debt of gratitude to Dick Cheney for taking time to help us negotiate this contract.”

KBR’s contract will include vehicle maintenance, driver training and full logistical support.