RAQQA, Syria – Inspired by widespread reports of the Department of Veterans Affairs’ kill count, ISIS leader Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is looking to use some of the VA’s tactics against the terror group's enemies, sources say.

“They’ve killed over 300,000 of their own people in the last few years! Those mighty warriors at the VA will surely have many virgins in Janna!” Baghdadi said. “If we can do the same thing to them, we’ll really teach that new pussy-grabber president a lesson.”

"I've heard reports the VA denied medical treatment to their own vets with brain cancer, that was OBVIOUSLY caused by their military service! And don't even get me started on them infecting people with HIV," Hassan Hassan, an ISIS fighter who severs the heads of those he kills on the battlefield, told reporters. "I mean, man, that's fucked up."