This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
Captain Jack Sparrow named new Coast Guard commandant
WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Donald Trump has nominated Capt. Jack Sparrow to serve as the 26th commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard, sources confirmed today.
Sparrow, the skipper of the Black Pearl, currently serves as operational commander of one the nine pirate lords in the Brethren Court, the Pirate Lords of the Seven Seas, and now will command a fleet of Coast Guard cutters around the coastal United States.
The White House announced the nomination in a press release, calling Sparrow “an expert in piracy and illegal contraband trade” and saying he is “a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.”
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Hegseth declares blow jobs not gay if both men are fit, clean-shaven
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Staff command works hard to accomplish nothing
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Pentagon unveils ‘Send Someone Else’ campaign for Iran war supporters
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Trump strikes deal to buy precision missiles from North Korea
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Air Force IG uncovers SNACKOs taking kickbacks from Big Insulin
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