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This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.

Story Roundup

Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.

Situation Report

A State Department map that relocated most of Africa, one ambitious government travel card, and 5,200 medical students moved from dorms that definitely do not have mold.

Kool-Aid man joins SEALs to assist with forced entries

The last words Osama bin Laden heard were, “Ohh, yeaaaah!”

Kool-Aid man joins SEALs to assist with forced entries

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan — Though few outside the tight-knit bond of Naval Special Warfare know it, the last words Osama bin Laden heard before bullets strewn his body were, “Ohh, yeaaaah!” according to sources.

SEALs who took part in the mission to kill the mastermind of the 9/11 attacks say the walls of the bin Laden compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, were breached by none other than the world-famous Kool-Aid Man.

Half man, half anthropomorphic liquid encased in reanimated glass, the celebrity pitchman (or pitcher man) is by far the most famous star to have quietly joined the military in the wake of the 2001 terrorist attacks in New York and Washington.

Known to his peers within the special operations community as El Ponche de Frutas, the Kool-Aid Man wrote in his newly declassified memoir that several other nicknames followed him through his service, including Carrot Top, Fireball, Agent Orange, and Tampon of Death.

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