WASHINGTON — Declaring that America has spent “far too long celebrating people just because they went to some war,” convicted felon and current President Donald Trump officially declared war on the country’s veterans Monday, citing “military favoritism” and “disrespect toward those of us who dared to stay home.”

Trump, who avoided service in Vietnam with five separate deferments, reportedly laid out the plan in front of “many, many people” who attended a fundraiser dinner held at Mar-a-Lago last week.

“People say, ‘Oh, they risked their lives, they served their country.’ But did they ever have to convince a medical doctor to write a note? I don’t think so,” Trump reportedly told donors between bites of steak drowned in ketchup. “I fought a different kind of war, avoiding STDs. It's a much smarter war. And unlike that dead loser John McCain, who got captured, I won.”

The new campaign follows a series of executive orders and actions Trump and his administration have taken in his first 60 days that undoubtedly harm the active duty and veteran communities, including: