WASHINGTON — Senior White House officials are on high alert following reports that Chelsea Manning has leaked her grandmother’s secret Thanksgiving recipes to Southern Living magazine. This marks the first time Manning has leaked secret documents to the public in over a decade.

“This is the greatest form of treason that we’ve seen in America since CIF stopped issuing the woobie,” Col. Grant Wanamaker, a White House liaison, said of Manning. The former soldier leaked several secret documents to WikiLeaks in 2010, resulting in federal prison time for espionage until her sentence was commuted by President Obama in January 2017.

“Everyone knew we were doing some shady shit during the war,” Wanamaker added, “but leaking a cornbread recipe that has been in the family for 60 years is unforgivable.”