CAMP LEJEUNE, N.C. — On the heels of similar scandals, whispers about a service long reputed to be more discriminating in selecting recruits than sex partners have become a roar. Peppered by questions during a recent installation tour at Camp Lejeune, Commandant of the Marine Corps Gen. Eric Smith was forced to address allegations of a Marine Corps-wide culture of furniture abuse. 

“Look, I'm responsible," said Smith. "I'm the commandant. I own this, and we are going to have to, you know, you've heard it before, but we're going to have to change how we see ourselves and how we treat our furniture – which is a vital member of the Navy-Marine Corps team."

Recent widely publicized allegations of furniture abuse by a long-separated Marine Corporal have led to an avalanche of victims coming forward. 

Speaking out publicly in a Camp Pendleton dayroom for the first time, a Broyhill loveseat revealed details it said had left it “deeply stained” despite countless field day inspections.

“You sit there, doing your duty and holding everyone up while they watch Blackhawk Down for the thousandth time. You say nothing when a drunk 19-year-old PFC wipes pizza grease on your upholstery. You remain silent when that PFC passes out and vomits that same pizza on you, then just flips the cushion when he wakes up. But then, one weekend, some Redpatcher with a weird look in his eye comes back to the barracks with Four Loko on his breath, a rubber glove, and a bottle of maple syrup.”

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