BILLERICA, Mass. — The small number of attendees who turned out for the funeral of a U.S. Army corporal who died last month during an undisclosed operation may have been special operations or just a really obnoxious dumbass that nobody liked, sources confirmed today.

According to sources, Josh Lencz’s casket was transported from Billerica City Hall to St. Mary’s Church and escorted by a guy named “Butch” who knew him from the “good ol’ days when we used to get drunk, fight strangers, and steal copper from construction sites.”

Lencz’s family, including his two ex-wives, a mistress, and various illegitimate children appreciated the limited but present support, Billerica Mayor Bob Furf said.