ARLINGTON, Va. — Secretary of the Navy Ray Mabus announced plans today to replace uniforms with even worse ones, debuting the Navy's switch to a forest camouflage pattern because ocean camouflage wasn't dumb enough.

"We've heard endless complaints about the Navy Working Uniform (NWU) and we've decided to stop ignoring them," Mabus said. "We've decided to switch from unpopular uniforms to something we'll pretend is better. After a few years we'll drop the act, admit it was a colossal fuck-up, and spend billions more on researching newer uniforms."

"I want sailors to like what they're wearing," Mabus added. "So our new uniform creation task force will not take any input from sailors."