THE PENTAGON — As part of a push to entice more young, strapping men to the Navy, the service announced a new campaign to increase the utilization of phallic imagery throughout the service, sources confirmed today.

The Navy plans to double-down on efforts to place penis-shaped objects in recruitment materials and in naval workplaces around the world, officials said.

“The Navy has a storied tradition of appealing to the virility, fantasies of sexual prowess, and latent homosexuality of young men across the country to draw them into our service and maintain morale and gaiety within,” said Adm. John Richardson, Chief of Naval Operations.

“This new campaign to bombard sailors with subtle and not-so-subtle images of male genitalia will continue to stoke homoerotic passions and build upon our longstanding traditions.”