Ask anybody who knows us, and they’ll say that Bill and Annalee Hesser have always been patriotic Americans. We’re all about putting country and family first, which is why we’re happy to announce that our middle son, Connor, recently enlisted in the Navy Reserve. And while there’s no denying that we’ve had our differences with the boy in the past, now we couldn’t be any more proud of our Sailor-son.

Of course, that’s only during the weekends that Connor has to drill. The rest of the month, he’s pretty much dead to us.

You see, between our son's suspensions in high school and his inability to hold down a job, to the time we had to confront him about those skinny people with bad teeth going in and out of the garage at all hours while scratching their necks and mumbling about "killer cicadas," Connor has always been a handful. But now that the boy is so selflessly putting it all on the line for his country, it’s enough to make us see past all of his transgressions and celebrate his patriotism. And that’s something we happily do one weekend a month and two weeks a year.

And not one second more. Thank God.