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Navy & Marines · Page 5

New 6-foot Marine Corps bayonet protects against COVID-19

By Duffel Blog Staff · Navy & Marines Bureau · 1 minute

Filed 5 October 2022 · 1549

WASHINGTON — The Marine Corps has begun issuing a new socially distanced bayonet that is six feet in length, Brigadier General Spanky Sicklecell announced yesterday.

“Stabbing the enemy at close range with a steel blade, while perhaps violent, is an honorable thing,” Sicklecell said. “But violating an individual’s social distance rights is cold-blooded and goes against the values of our beloved Marine Corps”

“Our weapons must evolve with our societal norms.”

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For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

New 6-foot Marine Corps bayonet protects against COVID-19

Also on this page

Paste-eating Marine praised for unmatched commitment to unit

Sleeping Marine aces hearing test

Trump mulls leaving seamen in Iran without Plan B

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