FORT LIBERTY, N.C. — Following the announcement of President-elect Trump’s new Department of Government Efficiency, which will combat government inefficiency and waste under the leadership of Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy, word has spread rapidly that the new department will need liaisons to the world's most efficient, streamlined, and lethal organization: the United States military. 

“I couldn’t believe it when branch management reached out to me and told me they were looking for Army majors — specifically staff officers — to help with this new department under Elon!” said Major Richard Gillis, who has been a major for eleven years and currently serves as an assistant operations officer on a brigade staff at Fort Liberty.

According to sources in the White House who spoke on the condition of possible future book deals, Musk and Ramaswamy are seeking highly capable military personnel to support the new agency’s mission and bring military-grade efficiency to the often slow and bogged-down federal government. 

“For years, my colleagues busted my chops for not getting a command,” said Gillis. “They said being a ‘staff weenie’ — their words, not mine — would limit my progress. Well, who’s laughing now?”