PENTAGON — The Department of Defense is preparing to field a new life-skills program aimed at helping service members about to separate from active service break the compulsive habit of drawing penises everywhere, sources confirmed today.
The launch of the "Cock-Stopper Class," comes in the wake of a U.S. Air Force B-52 squadron commander's firing over renderings of penises on computer displays in aircraft cockpits, as well as multiple high-profile "sky penises" by Marine and Navy aviators.
"We started to realize that the ingrained culture of crass, vulgar hyper-masculinity within the military is at odds with the expectations of polite civilian society," said Sheila Baggins, head of the committee responsible for designing the course content. "Our biggest audience for this course material is going to be Army and Marine infantrymen. For reasons psychiatrists have yet to fully explain, it is this specific subset of the military that seems hell-bent on covering literally everything with penis graffiti."
Military counselors suggest that veterans have difficulty altering deeply inculcated habits of social interaction once leaving the military. Many have difficulty explaining why otherwise highly-intelligent and highly-trained individuals find amusement in juvenile and often crudely-drawn renderings of genitals.
