This week in American power projection: the map was wrong, the dorms were fine, and the travel card was for official purposes.
Story Roundup
Pentagon casualties, metric improvement, and Fat Leonard’s least dignified phase.
Situation Report
After North Pole moves, NORAD assures Eric Trump it can still track Santa
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Department of Defense officials assured Eric Trump that a natural geologic shift of the magnetic North Pole would not jeopardize Santa Claus, his toy workshop, or Trump’s chances of receiving Christmas gifts, sources confirmed today.
Trump expressed concerns about observations that the magnetic north pole is drifting, which he believed could interfere with Santa Claus's navigation capabilities or prevent the U.S. Northern Command (NORAD) from using its famous “Santa Tracker” to monitor Saint Nick’s’ toy deliveries on Christmas Eve. Either situation, according to Trump, would constitute "probably the biggest national security issue of the entire world. Like, ever."
Trump’s concern stemmed from recent news reports that the Earth’s magnetic north pole is moving from the Canadian Artic towards Russia at 34 miles per year. Magnetic north normally moves slowly over time due to energy from the planet’s core. The current drift is significantly faster than in the past and requires updates to navigation systems.
With no official role in the White House, Trump leveraged his father’s influence and convened an emergency meeting to review the situation.
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Opinion: How I learned to stop worrying and love my low testosterone
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West Point removes ‘honor’ from ‘duty, honor, country’ ethos
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