FORT MEADE, Md. — A brood of cryptologists bravely poked their heads into the warming rays of the winter dawn before seeing their shadows and predicting an imminent government shutdown, sources with the National Security Agency confirmed today.

“It’s going to be a long winter, but you’ll have plenty of time to think on it!” portended fair-skinned analyst Phillip G. Hoggs before scurrying back into the welcoming depths of the Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility (SCIF). “At least a month!”