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Oh, Christ: The soldier who saved your life in Afghanistan believes in 'crisis actors'

LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Oh, dear God, no. Christ. The soldier who saved your life in Afghanistan in the spring of 2014 believes "crisis actors" are being used to impersonate teenagers after this latest mass shooting, sources confirmed today.

The soldier, who ran through a hail of Taliban gunfire to get to your position as you were tending to a gunshot wound to the leg, recently revealed his thinking after a number of what he called "quote-unquote teenagers" have appeared on television to call for increased gun safety.

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