WASHINGTON – Despite a chorus of criticism domestically and from allies abroad, the Biden Administration is pressing forward with plans to include an assortment of clusterfucks in its latest military aid package to Ukraine.

“The United States is committed to providing the Ukrainians with the best we have to offer for their national defense,” said Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin. “Over the course of many years, our military has produced some of the most astounding clusterfucks in modern military history. If Ukraine truly wants to ever join NATO, then they need to understand that the clusterfuck is an integral part of a modern military.”