Reprinted from our sister publication, Dùffle Bløg Europe

BRUSSELS — Archdukes across Europe are beefing up their security details following a full-scale Russian attack on Ukraine.

“We’ve seen this picture show before, ahem,” claimed Archduke Peter Von Fishburn-Waldrop III, of County Hampshire, as he took snuff. “Whenever a world war is about to break out, one of us is inevitably assassinated, ahem.”

Archdukes are contracting mercenaries, hirelings, sell-swords, adventurers-about-town, and various other soldiers of fortune to round out their security details.