By Whiskey Fueled Tirade

FORT BRAGG, N.C. – Army Capt. Jeremy Munsen came up with the perfect defense for proving his client’s innocence right after the jury found him guilty of murder, sources confirmed today. 

“The timing was way off,” Munsen said sheepishly as the bailiff placed his client in shackles. “I’ve been having kind of an off-week after I found out my favorite YouTuber was diagnosed with IBS. I mean, that stuff is life-changing.”

“I guess I never really wrapped my head around the case until now,” he added.

Munsen’s client, Spc. William Opfer, was accused of killing his roommate’s ex-girlfriend, though records show Opfer was out of the country on deployment at the time she was murdered.