QUANTICO, Va. — The first confirmed case of the COVID-19 coronavirus in a U.S. military member has been traced to a Marine putting his hands in his pockets last week, according to sources.

Pentagon sources say the unidentified Marine put his hands in his pockets for upwards of 30 seconds, despite strict orders from his command sergeant major that "That's daggone nasty."

"These young Marines fail to realize that we make these rules for a reason. This devil dog put a whole platoon's lives at risk by digging his filthy fingers around in his trouser pockets where they don't belong," shouted Marine Corps Chief Customs and Courtesies Enforcer Sgt. Maj. Forrest Stone. "He's lucky those NCOs set him straight and got those hands out of there before he pulled up something even worse."

According to Marine Corps intelligence reports, Marines' trouser pockets harvest a number of deadly viruses, bacteria, and other biological hazards. Marines are not at risk of exposure to these dangers as long as the…