Grim Reaper to dress as Secretary Mattis for Halloween
MEXICO CITY — Speaking to reporters at his Día de los Muertos press conference, the Grim Reaper confirmed that he will dress as U.S. Secretary of Defense James Mattis when he goes trick or treating with his daughter this Halloween.
“I’m a huge fan,” the spiritual embodiment of death told reporters today. “I think the body of work — and the bodies — really speaks for itself.”
The Grim Reaper went on to explain the thinking behind his decision.
“I know most of you were expecting me to do a dictator costume, but I’m not about to repeat last year’s debacle where I had to keep explaining that Myanmar is a country and not a Game of Thrones character," he said. "All the dictators have been driving me crazy as of late. Bashar is all about buffer zones now. It’s freaking amateur hour over there in Saudi Arabia, and Putin won’t turn his stupid laptop off.”
“Besides, it’s one thing to kill your own defenseless people, it’s another to take down a heavily armed, suicidal army entrenched in a city made entirely of IEDs while two governments look over your shoulder," he added. "I don’t see any Chinese generals doing that in Xinjiang Province.”
The Grim Reaper went on to describe how he will be dressing as classic Mattis in a woodlands MOPP suit, flak, Kevlar and captured PKM over his shoulder.
When asked what his daughter will be dressed as, the Grim Reaper sighed and said, “Elsa from Frozen — again. Next question.”