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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Saturday, 26 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Saturday

26 September 2026

2017 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
Veterans · Page 2

Retired Marine General John Kelly relieves White House chief of staff John Kelly of duty

Filed · 1532

WASHINGTON — Retired Marine Gen. John F. Kelly was relieved to relieve White House Chief of Staff John Kelly of duty, sources confirmed today.

Kelly will depart by the end of the year.

Kelly, who in the past honorably served as a Marine and was also the Department of Homeland Security Secretary for a couple of weeks or whatever before moving to the White House, informed the chief of his relief to the relief of the chief, while standing in front of a mirror in the West Wing.

Trump chose some guy named Mick Mulvaney, who is the head of the Office of Budget and Management, to replace Kelly. Mulvaney is reportedly a pay-to-play Republican — a much better fit for Trump than the somewhat morally-upstanding Kelly — who once said, “If you are a lobbyist who never gave us money, I did not talk to you. If you are a lobbyist who gave us money, I might talk to you.”

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