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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Wednesday, 30 September 2026

Army

Backed-up toilet appointed new Secretary of the Army

Pentagon says clogged fixture brings “continuity, stability and ability to swallow enormous amounts of shit”

Space Force’s new uniform puts a little goose back in the step

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

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Vol. 15 · No. 117

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Vol. 15 · No. 117 · Deployed worldwide

Wednesday

30 September 2026

0648 Zulu

Next edition Friday

← Front page
· Page 2

Local man unsure which global terrorist to sympathize with next

He's "just asking questions".

Filed · 0500

ST. LOUIS - Local resident Gary Hinkle, a 34-year-old self-described "free thinker," faces a conundrum that has left even the most open-minded community members scratching their heads. 

After spending the last year expressing his "sympathy" for figures like Osama Bin Laden and more recently Vladimir Putin, Hinkle is now lost in a moral maze, struggling to decide which global terrorist deserves his misplaced compassion next. 

"It's a tough choice, really," Hinkle sighs, while carefully dusting his collection of controversial leader figurines. "Each of these men had a dream, a vision—misguided, sure, but who am I to judge? There are two sides to every coin!”

Hinkle's quandary is emblematic of a broader, more disturbing trend in today’s society where segments of the population, disenchanted with conventional politics, have veered dangerously close to the edges of extremist ideologies.

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