CAMP LEJEUNE — With a very important Category 4 hurricane charging towards the eastern seaboard, Marine leaders are instructing barracks residents to present a sterling image, which includes a total clean-up of the inside of their rooms and mopping of the parking lots, sources confirmed today.

“This very impressive hurricane could get a lot of TV coverage, and we can’t have the world seeing a dirty parking lot outside the barracks when the cameras start rolling,” Sgt. Maj. Charles A. Metzger, the base sergeant major, told reporters. “I mean, how ridiculous would that make us look?”

The list of preparatory tasks also includes mowing the dirt and painting gravel.

Metzger emphasized that these tasks were in the best interests of the Marines.

“Everyone knows that a Marine off duty will only get into trouble,” he noted while watching a grown man on his hands and knees pull pieces of broken glass from under a bush. “Even though I can’t imagine why Marines would ever need to drink or mentally escape with a career this good.”

At press time, Marines were being instructed to use dustpans for bailing water into the barracks showers to keep the parking lot dry during the storm.