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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Sunday, 27 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Duffel Blog

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

27 September 2026

0134 Zulu

Next edition Monday

← Front page
· Page 2

PsyOp drone swarm terrorizes enemies with Nickelback

This may violate the Geneva Convention.

Filed · 1657

THE PENTAGON — DARPA announced Friday that it has built an advanced drone aircraft that psychological operations forces can use to overwhelm enemy forces with Nickelback songs.

"We aren't proud of what we had to do to achieve this technical marvel. But we have done what we had to. May our children's children forgive us," said DARPA Director Stefanie Tompkins.

The new technology took over 10 years to develop, according to a DARPA promotional video that showed several prototype speakers melting when forced to play the band’s Something in Your Mouth on repeat.

"We had to use reinforced kevlar just to keep the speakers humming," said the Audible Assault program manager, Dr. Heinrich Hermavich.

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