FORT BRAGG, N.C. — Members of Bravo Company have officially filed a complaint against 2nd Lt. Tyler Gear, citing his inability to hold a single conversation without mentioning his deep, borderline spiritual connection to IPAs, sources confirmed today.
“He won’t stop,” said Sgt. Jake Mendoza, rolling his eyes. “We’ll be in the motor pool, just trying to get the damn LMTVs operational, and out of nowhere, he’ll be like, ‘Have you ever had a double dry-hopped hazy IPA?’ Bro. It’s 0925. Read the motorpool.”
Gear, a recent West Point graduate and self-proclaimed “hop enthusiast,” allegedly discovered craft beer during his one-month leave between graduation and Basic Officer Leader Course. He has since dedicated both his life and personality to explaining, in excruciating detail, how ‘real beer’ is unfiltered and best enjoyed from a tulip glass while discussing the finer points of vinyl record collecting.
