EL CAJON, Calif.—Speaking to reporters at his home office in California’s 50th District, Duncan Hunter seemed perplexed as to why Americans have gotten so upset about relatively minor war crimes allegedly committed by Chief Special Warfare Operator Eddie Gallagher.
“I honestly don’t get it,” Hunter exclaimed. “Eddie Gallagher killed, like, a handful of civilians. When we firebombed Dresden, we killed over 20,000 people!”
The Congressman went on to tell reporters that while serving as a POG near Fallujah in 2004, he and his Marines “killed probably hundreds of civilians.”
Hunter explained that on the modern battlefield, there is no way to avoid deliberately murdering an unarmed and wounded prisoner before taking pictures with his corpse.
“Given the prevalence of social media,” Hunter said, “you would be a fool to pass up a photo opportunity like that. That’s at least 100 likes on Instagram, and you’ll probably pick up a DM or two as well.”
According to Hunter, modern PC culture is to blame for the backlash facing Chief Gallagher. “Back when my dad was a Congressman, you could do whatever you wanted at home and overseas.
“Nowadays, you can’t even use campaign funds to bankroll extramarital affairs without getting indicted,” Hunter bemoaned. “What’s next, you’re going to tell me that people still aren’t over the whole My Lai thing? It’s been like 40 years. Give it a rest already.”