Skip to content
DUFFEL BLOG

Free military brief. No CAC required.

For more than a decade, we've deployed pitch perfect satire to service members around the world.

Join thousands of troops, veterans, and defense insiders who read Duffel Blog before breakfast.

“A must-read for national security nerds.”

—The Daily Beast
Subscribe form

Free. No spam. Unsubscribe anytime.

14years publishing
4,200+dispatches filed
20,000+readers briefed

Soldier hospitalized after masturbating with CLP

FORT CAMPBELL, Ky. — After complaining that his "dick pipe closed up," Pvt. Eric Draughter was admitted to Blanchfield Army Community Hospital early Wednesday where he was diagnosed with having Cleaner, Lubricant, and Protectant (CLP) in his urethra.

“CLP, a solvent for stripping firing residue from weapons, is not meant for human consumption or use as a personal lubricant,” said Dr. Russell Beckham, while holding back tears of what was likely laughter.

A source at Blanchfield told Duffel Blog that Draughter could barely walk when he stumbled through the emergency room doors around 2:00 am on Wednesday.

More Stories

Your Cart

Your cart is empty

Browse the shop to find something you like.

Continue Shopping →
Subtotal
WELCOME10 — 10% off applied at checkout

Add more for free shipping.

✓ You qualify for free shipping!