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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Sunday, 27 September 2026

Pentagon

Military leaders debate who gets to masturbate first in sniper arch

Services clash over historic privilege of being first to defile nation’s newest military monument

Mitch McConnell returns from extended drill weekend

Trump considers replacing Hegseth with rock or something

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Vol. 15 · No. 115

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Vol. 15 · No. 115 · Deployed worldwide

Sunday

27 September 2026

1639 Zulu

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← Front page
Pentagon · Page 3

Suspicious OPM email ignored by entire government thanks to cyber awareness training

“Thank you, Jeff! Thank you, Tina! Your service is not forgotten."

Filed · 0502

THE INTERNET — Cybersecurity experts across the country are quietly commending the collective cyber awareness of the federal workforce after a blatant phishing attempt on Saturday afternoon went collectively ignored.

“Aye, that jawn was hella sus [sic], for real for real,” observed Zeke “Zoomer” Cooper, 23, an engineer with the Naval Sea Systems Command. “I’ve seen more convincing emails from Nigerian royalty.”

The email, flagged with high importance and simply titled, “What did you do last week?” intruded into every government employee’s official mailbox and prompted them for a bulleted summary of their professional accomplishments by 11:59 p.m. EST on Monday, Feb. 24.

“I don’t get it, so like, a WAR [weekly activity report]?” asked Jennifer Palmer, 43, a contract management specialist with the Department of the Army. “The thing I submit to my supervisor every Friday before I clock out for the weekend using a very established process that best encapsulates my activities in a format that provides leadership with a structured and digestible understanding of their subordinates’ achievements in a manner that, in turn, informs the decision-making cycle of their supervisors and facilitates organization-wide transparency?”

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