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The Duffel Brief · the free edition, Monday, Wednesday and Friday

Vol. 15 · No. 136 · Friday, 13 November 2026

Navy & Marines

Marine with extremely low IQ thrilled by switch to Super Intelligence

Marine Corps announces major technological advancement requiring millions of dollars in new signage and PowerPoint slides

Homeless veterans receive 10% off cardboard boxes this Veterans Day

Hegseth asks staff to make next execution more like ‘The Running Man’

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Vol. 15 · No. 136

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Vol. 15 · No. 136 · Deployed worldwide

Friday

13 November 2026

2153 Zulu

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· Page 2

Tom cruise returns from 39th combat deployment to burbank, California

Filed · 1543

MALIBU, CA — Saying that he's so glad to be home after suffering extreme hardships while on the backlot of his latest combat tour, actor Tom Cruise has returned to Malibu after enduring nearly 40 deployments, sources confirmed today.

"Oh boy that last movie was brutal. Brutal," said Cruise, who endures the same post-traumatic stress disorder as people who watched him in the film Vanilla Sky. "Oblivion was just like a war zone. I felt like I could have been killed at any moment."

Sources confirmed that Cruise, who has a net worth of roughly $270 million, patrolled the dangerous streets of the Relativity Media backlot daily and was awarded his fourth Purple Heart medal for stubbing his toe last month while in his trailer.

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