Staff Officer: “See this? No? Perfect! Learn from it!”

ARLINGTON, Va. — In a stunning display of military efficiency, the Department of Defense has released a white paper about white papers, printed on white paper.

"We felt it was important to clarify the role of white papers in military policy and strategy," said Air Force Brig. Gen. Dick Ryder, a veteran spokesman for the Department of Defense. "And what better way to do that than with a white paper?"

The white paper, which is printed on several hundred pages of white paper, outlines the history and importance of white papers in the military. "They're essential for documenting our thoughts and strategies," Ryder said. "Without them, we'd be lost. I use white papers to better understand how to think about world events, how to better understand technological advances and even the fundamentals of communicating with my wife and children."