BARKSDALE AFB, La. — The United States Air Force has been rocked by what insiders describe as "chaos and confusion" as a result of a service-wide Facebook outage that began last Friday, Duffel Blog has learned. Mid-level leaders at Barksdale AFB report an "excessive level of rioting" while other bases have issued "shelter in place" orders, or held surprise commander's calls to distract personnel.

"Airbase commanders all around NORTHCOM are reporting a Facebook outage on their computers, along with lowered morale, and even armed gangs in the streets," explained Maj. Gen. Richard Clark, 8th Air Force commander, during an emergency meeting at Air Force Global Strike Command headquarters. "I tried contacting the comm squadron for help, but they haven't picked up. Probably just a coincidence."